It is no secret that the relationship challenge is one of the greatest challenges of our time. A good relationship, a joyful one, full of love and closeness, is a powerful engine for life. On the other hand, when the relationship is unstable, the relationship can be a source of suffering and burden when there is a lack of excitement and joint growth.
One of the recurring questions is, how can the relationship be improved if there is no partner? How do you deal with situations where there is apparently no full cooperation?
The answer to this question depends on a more deeply inquiry: Does each spouse have special qualities that they can and should bring into the relationship, and those qualities may affect the state and future of the relationship?
Jewish Psychology's answer is positive. If we focus on the female perspective, women have an exceptional mental quality that they can bring to the relationship and family life. Moreover, the blessing and livelihood at home, the Jewish Sages emphasize, is for the woman to discover her special powers. But with power and potential also comes the great responsibility for realizing these qualities.
What is that feminine mental quality?
The Jewish Sages point out that the power of understanding (Bina) is more developed in a woman. "Rabbi Hassada said, 'What is the point of writing: And the G-d will build"? Teaches that G-d gave more understanding (Bina – "and built" are from the same root in Hebrew) in the women. "
The power of understanding (Bina) exists, of course, also in men and is necessary for creative thinking. But the Sages point out that a woman has "excessive intelligence,
What characterizes the power of understanding?
The power of understanding is a creative, constructive force. This is why most of the spiritual construction work of the house and the foundation for the existence of the Jewish people depend on women.
Wisdom (חכמה) is an inventive, abstract force. The power of wisdom in mind strives to break boundaries. Achieve what is not yet achieved. The Bina (understanding) draws boundaries. It seeks to reconcile and enlighten what has already been perceived, an initial and elusive perception by the power of wisdom.
While wisdom is a subtle perception, like a glimpse of a flash that allows for a general and broad perception of the thing. Understanding is the revelation of the details that were folded within the point of wisdom. Without it, the point that sparkled in the power of wisdom would remain unrealized potential. Understanding is an extension of ideas. It brings the idea closer to the person in that it allows him to analyze the details, encompass the thing, and draw the conclusions related to the idea.
What does this mean in a relationship?
Avoiding controversy and searching for content
King Solomon teaches that "The wisest of women builds her house, But folly tears it down with its own hands. (Proverbs 14, 1).
The commentators give an example of wise leadership – that of the wife of On Ben Pelat. What did his wife do? Prevented him from joining Korach in the famous controversy against Moses. She poured him wine, laid him inside the house, and sat down by the door. Everyone who came to call him saw his wife and went back. Thus he was not swallowed up in the earth.
On several occasions, the Lubavitcher Rebbe emphasized that a huge role rests on the woman's shoulders. She designs the type of home they live in.
There are two types of homes. In one, a "golden calf" is placed in the living room. In the other one, a tabernacle.
What is a house that has a "golden calf"?
This is a home that puts the worries of both spouses' livelihoods and careers at the center of life, in the living room. As a result, livelihood issues occupy the bulk of the discourse. In families where the man is still the main breadwinner, he is also in the house's center. He must not be disturbed.
Raising children, family, takes a secondary place. Everything becomes secondary and cared for so that the livelihood problem is solved. The justification is always there in the background – they need the money to manage the household expenses.
A house that builds a tabernacle, a temple in the living room, is run upside down.
The husband listens to his wife. The worries of earning a living and the economic race are secondary to family discourse. Those subjects do not occupy the house. The breadwinners do what needs to be done, but that is not the main thing. The house does not bow to money but to holiness, liveliness, and the faith that occupies the house's center. The main investment is in family, parenting, relationships, and opening the heart to the environment.
That way, when you change the emphasis, more money will come anyway. With the money that comes, there will be more blessing; the Rebbe explains that he will come out with the right things and suffice for the real needs.
Bina, understanding as a creative force, avoid controversy. This does not characterize it. The intellect does not seek to see the missing. It sweetens the "laws" (denim) at their root by broadening the angle of view and choosing a form over matter, spirituality over materiality. Therefore, the balance of the balance affects the spouse so that he will not have the pleasure of wasting his time only at work or in a competitive pursuit.
The Bina gives birth.
The power of understanding is the power of birth. What did the Bina give birth to? Healthy emotions. When excessive intelligence, Bina, is revealed, it builds the emotional structure of the home. The atmosphere in the house is almost more important than anything else. A happy, warm, loving, believing home affects the upbringing of children and relationships.
While pleasure is associated with the power of wisdom, the power of understanding is associated with happiness. The happiness that a woman brings is not as natural as can be mistaken. It is the result of significant conscious work in her descendants, the reduction to details, the observation of the world's structure, the abundance of graces, and the sense of meaning and responsibility in her role.
Here too, it should be noted that the emotional dimension is, of course, not under the sole responsibility of the woman. Still, the woman has a greater contribution to improving it in the context of living together.
Bina unites with wisdom and elevates it
The Book of Zohar described the relationship between understanding and wisdom as "Terin Ra'in Dala Mefarshin", two friends that do not separate from each other. The implication is that wisdom and understanding are not two separate varieties that are not meant to get along with each other. On the contrary, when each side discovers its spiritual and mental quality when each side allows the other side space of influence and self-expression, the two sides are not separate.
The effect of understanding is done gradually. Every change should take place not in shocking everything but while walking from the light to the heavy. Bina, by its very nature, operates in a settlement. She creates arrangements. It goes from the easy to the complex and gradually breaks down the complexity. Its job is to create boundaries within which one can grow. Before he begins the construction work, a builder outlines the boundaries within which he will build the structure. This is how Bina works. It seats the details and creates order in them.
Hence, the power of understanding does not seek justice. Justice and accounting can ruin the relationship. They form separation and not unity.
Bina, by its nature, seeks construction, partnership and inclusion.
Every person has the power of understanding and the power of wisdom. But women, as mentioned, have excessive of it. When excessive Bine is reviled in a relationship, it becomes a huge force in building a good relationship and a healthy home. Simultaneously, the qualities of understanding, of Bina, do not come at the expense of the spouse's responsibility and commitment to make an effort and bring certain elements regularly into the relationship.